Sunday, March 16, 2014

Blinded by Hotness

Blinded by hotness, hypnotized by the six pack, mesmerized by the bootay. We have all been there at some point. You probably remember this happened with your first boyfriend/girlfriend. Also, probably the second one...and the third--oh fuck, okay, maybe all of them. But that's it, never again.

My thoughts concerning hotness (and the problems that hotness creates) started Tuesday afternoon when I saw "Between Two Ferns" with President Barack Obama.

Here's part of it, (in case you did not see it) so you get the jist...

I saw many people in my newsfeed posting about how "amazeballs" this whole thing was.






Well for those of you who posted these thoughts or for those of you who even so far as let out a little chuckle during this video, I (biddy queen of America) am here to sadly inform you that you were played... hard.

Let us first start with the plain facts, this was by far the most un-funny segment of "Between Two Ferns." (The one with Justin Bieber is a close second). For those of you (like myself) who have been watching "Between Two Ferns" for years know the level of Lolz that Zach Galifiankis is capable of and this was just not it.

 Watch "Between Two Ferns" with Michael Cera, for instance.

I feel like we are all treating Obama the same way we treat that hot girl who tries to make jokes. We laugh and make her feel like she is funny but really we just wanna get in her pants. I refuse to treat Obama like that hot girl anymore. NOW WHO IS WITH ME?!?!

All the video consisted of was Obama "putting Zach in his place"... but very unfunnily. Stop trying so hard, Obama. It is the ultimate unboner right now.

This brings me to my second point, Obama needs to stop fucking campaigning. Your hotness already fooled me enough to vote for you... twice.

It is no mystery that Obama used his good looks to charm twenty-something year olds like myself into voting for him. Finally, we thought, a president who I want to bang. Our nether regions have been dry ever since JFK, now at least we had a little bit of moisture going on.
We were not thinking about things like, ya know, Iraq or Afganistan. We were thinking with our dicks and now it appears that that same dick is coming back to hit us in the face, if you will. Hot men do not always equal good presidents. Point noted.

It seems like Obama is still campaigning for votes that he already received. This I find rather curious considering I am pretty sure Obama has a lot of other shit he should be attending to besides "Between Two Ferns." This brings me to my final point: stop dicking around and do your FUCKING job, you shit dick.
I'm gonna need you to be a little less Paris Hilton and a little more... George Washington.

I am not one to follow political mumbo jumbo but it is no mystery that a lot of people are in a bad place (between health insurance and multiple wars being fought overseas). The distractions are not working on me anymore, my good ho. I mean, you are still pretty and everything but it is time to actually do something useful.

I mean you are a fucking Nobel Peace Prize winner, after all. Time to start making some peaceful moves my good bid.


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