Saturday, September 21, 2013

To Forgive or Not To Forgive...

...that is the question.

I can't believe I am about to say this but... Team Edward? Everyone knows the whole story of how Kristen Stewart cheated on him. After he found out, they broke up, got back together and quickly broke up again. Bla bla bla. In a recent interview Robert Pattinson shared some inspiring words about forgiveness. Words that I thought were beyond Edward Cullen's mental capacity; words that I live my life by.

"I don't ever feel the need to forgive," is what the man said in an interview. Spoken like a true Scorpio (although he is actually a Taurus). I could not be more proud of this statement. WELL DONE!

Forgiveness. Some times we forgive, sometimes we do not. I stick to NOT forgiving for the most part. To be honest, that is has been working out great for me so far. So what if I have no friends? So what if I have sent numerous fake bombs in the mail to ex-lovers? So what if I have numerous restraining orders against me? Go big or go home, right?

I never forgave Anna Borant for pulling me off the monkey bars in day camp when we were six. That fucking bitch grabbed on to my legs and would not let go. Thus, ending in me falling to my near death! With the wind knocked out of me, I lay on the ground, praying I would make it until free swim. I was immediately rushed to the health office. It was nothing short of a miracle that I survived this near death experience. Anna Borant never apologized for her reckless actions. Actions that were, without a doubt, performed out of jealousy and spite. She was jealous of not only my impeccable monkey bar skills, but also my undeniable good looks.
Even if Anna did apologize for the atrocity she committed, I will never forgive her. The damage is done, and will never be mended.

Historically speaking, too many people have been too forgiving. A perfect example of this mistake is slavery. How the fuck did African-Americans everywhere forgive white people for enslaving them for so many years? "Yeah, sorry guys, we stole you from Africa, separated you from your family, abused you, raped you, whipped you and basically did every imaginable horrible thing to you for years but...our bad?" says the white people.
If I was black, I would not be so forgiving. In fact, I would call for enslavement of white people everywhere. No more Lulu Lemon, no more Crumbs cupcakes, no more J Crew and absolutely NO more peacoats. All the whites would need to say bye-bye to all of the things they loved and cherished. Then, they would serve me for eternity.

Unfortunately, African-Americans have been extremely forgiving and that has not exactly worked out very well. Yeah, white people freed the slaves and shit but white people still continued their douche-baggy ways. Whites were all into this segregation business and even when that ended, they continued to be rude little sacks of shit. Even to this day, white privilege and racism prevails. Moral of the story: never forgive anyone (especially a white person).

If you are offended by any of this...
... but not really.

Anyways, back to me. In seventh grade, I received a 64 on a D.O.L. test (Daily Oral Language test for you ignorant folk). Obviously, having a brain, I decided I would never tell my mom about this hideous grade. That Friday afternoon I came home from school with one of my friends with expectations of having the best play date of my life. Much to my surprise, my mother had different plans in store after receiving a cute little phone call from my English teacher, Ms. Dylan. My friend was quickly sent home, and I was given a hefty punishment. No television for a month.

Fuck my life.
Ms. Dylan is a rat and will never be forgiven.

Now, this leads me back to Robert Pattinson. Most likely when he made that statement about forgiveness he was referring to Ms. Kristen Yucky Stewart. Similar to rats, cheaters should never be forgiven. Once a cheater, always a cheater and that is for damn SURE.

On a slightly relevant note, I will never forgive Stephanie Meyer for writing such an atrocious work of "literature." Furthermore, Robert Pattinson can thank Stephanie Meyer for his heartache and suffering. Without Twilight, he would never have met this butt hole of a woman.

I have made my choice Sir William Shakespeare. To forgive or not to forgive? It is no longer a question.

Never forgive, never forget.


No comments:

Post a Comment