In the midst of what seems like an overabundance of attention directed at this crisis in Syria, I feel it is my duty, nay, my calling, to remind my readers of more pressing issues. Issues that have been brought to my attention as of recently. Issues that demand immediate action. It is a tragedy that no war can even come close to... a tragedy that begs for not only a moment of silence but, also, a bottle of hair dye.
Wow, complete digression there, my apologies. Before I went on the placenta tangent I believe I was just talking about Kim Kardashian, the person... not the placenta. Recently Kim decided to dye her hair blonde. This is a very bold move indeed. Any brunette knows that dying your hair blonde is a slippery slope.
One of the MANY perks of being a blonde is having choices. Blondes basically get to choose if they want their hair to be blonde or brunette. The reason being that blondes can easily dye their hair brown and it will most likely always look decent. Brunettes do not usually have this choice. Most brunettes, like myself, would look like absolute creatures with blonde hair.
Okay, I am not saying that Kim Kardashian looks bad. She looks good. In fact, she looks fucking hot, but I do not want to any of my fellow brunette biddies to get any crazy ideas. Think of this as a public service announcement of some sort.
"I am not Kim Kardashian. I am not Kim Kardashian. I am not Kim Kardashian. I am not Kim Kardashian."
We all must remind ourselves of this sad truth. It is when and only when we reach this moment of self-acceptance that we will truly be zen.
I would also like to point out one last thing. Yeah, blondes are generally considered hotter than brunettes. I read something, somewhere that it is actually biological. Men are naturally more attracted to blonde hair than they are to brown hair. That's cool and stuff, I guess. However, I have found that I can never truly trust a guy who actually says they prefer blondes over brunettes. A man who does is shallow, bland and poopy. AND THAT'S FO DAMN SHO!
Brunettes run the world, yo. Well, except for, like, Hillary Clinton. She's a pretty fucking badass blonde if I do say so.