After days of listening to Aaliyah and polishing my nails (and re-polishing them, only to then decide I actually did not want them polished at all...) I have found I have waited the proper amount of time to clear my head and discuss the important topic at hand.
The Real Housewives of Miami season premiere sucked major butt crack. I'm talking totally loose butt hole.
Not to mention the fact that two other housewives are missing from the introductions. HELLO, KARENT?!? Where the hell are you??? The main focus of the drama last season WAS Karent. This is a very disturbing sign. Very disturbing.
Ana is not in the introductions either but that is seriously no sweat off my dick. She is way too normal and employed for her own good.
Okay, let's rewind to the beginning of the episode, before we even find out all of this. The first scene is Ms. Lea Black picking up fucking Grade A numb nut Joanna Krupa from the airport and surprising her by dropping her off at a car dealership where Romain is waiting with this new whip he decided to buy her dumb ass. Before the drop-off Lea and Joanna begin discussing what is apparently going to be the controversy of the season. Turns out that Adriana was ALREADY married to Philippe, therefore exposing her for lying to all of her friends for all of this time!!!!!
In all seriousness, for what already seems to be like the dullest drama in the history of Housewives, Adriana offers an extremely logical and plausible explanation for her keeping her marriage to Phillipe secret. So those few viewers who did give a fuck about Adriana's already existing marriage, most likely did not after a thirty second reason for not sharing it.
...moving on...dropping it...
EXCEPT THEY WON'T! The previews imply that this pseudo-drama will continue for the entire season. Ugh. I feel so betrayed, so discouraged by Bravo's laziness. What's more, the script has gotten excessively dumber and their editing has gotten ridiculously sloppier (not to mention...BORRINGGGGGGG).
Adriana's boat, Joanna's stupid career, Lisa trying to get sperminated, Alexia's son beating up homeless people and Lea Black... being Lea Black. Yada, yada.
I'm bored, Bravo. Very bored.
P.S. Romain is still hot.