Saturday, January 26, 2013

Bloody Tampon Snacks, Girl power and Shit

Does anyone hear the faint sound of the ocean? No wait, that's just the fourth wave of feminism splashin' our way.
Fret not, you are probably thinking what I am thinking. (Sick minds think alike).

I would like to think that we will all look back on this one day and know that it all started in Giovanna Plowman's bathroom. She was just a woman with a dream, a dream to eat her bloody tampon. Her timing could not be any better as we were just celebrating Dr. Martin Luther King's birthday. An innovator in her own right, I applaud you, Giovanna.

Awww it's amazing how I inspire people to eat their own bloody tampons! You're welcome 😘

Gloria Steinem is probably in some kind of feminist heaven after viewing Giovanna's trending youtube video. Perhaps the two can collaborate and add an extra section to Steinem's "If Men Could Menstruate." I imagine it being something like "If Men could menstruate they would eat their used tampons in a monthly menstrual soup." I don't know, ladies, that's your job. Not my problem.

I'm gonna be honest with you, I did not watch the video. I got a few seconds into it and then shit started getting real pretty fast. Once she started rummaging around downstairs, fishing out her tampon, Jules wanted OUT. There are a few things that disgust me more than anything in this world: raisins in my food, genital warts and menstrual blood. I just absolutely can't.
I know, you probably would not know I have such a distaste for the subject because this is the second post that has been almost completely dedicated to that time of the month (let me remind you of my Jersey Shore post which discussed Angelina's pad debacle in detail). Sidenote: if only the Jersey Shore house had recruited Giovanna, she would of cleaned up Angelina's pad, no problem.

Ladies, gone are the days where we must waste our pretty, overpriced Victoria's Secret bras in our monthly sacrificial brassiere bonfires. Here is a cheaper and more resourceful solution to our protests of the male patriarchy that holds us hoes down (hey, we are speakin' our minds, savin' our wallets AND helpin' the earth!)
Savin' shit is cool.

So raise your tampons girl pioneers for a toast. This is our time. Let us follow in the footsteps of our feminist sisters. Make Susan B. Anthony, Sojourner Truth and Eve Ensler proud. You will eat your used tampons and you will love it.

As for me, I'm good with the whole patriarchal, female subordination thing. I'm not trying eat any tampons here.


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