Tuesday, December 25, 2012

The Worst Christmas Gift a Biddy Could Ask For

This will be a short post but I wanted to say... that Bravo gave me the worst christmas gift. Yes, I am disappointed. One can even say I am a little perturbed...and slightly sickened. Wait, let me correct that I feel QUITE ill from this atrocity.
I have finally managed to collect myself and write to you about my grievances. For those of you who don't know what I am talking about, you must have not tuned into the season finale of Real Housewives of Miami. This was probably the biggest disappointment of the year, nay, the century. Absofuckinglutely nothing occurred. Where was Elsa? Where was the drama? Why were these women actually getting along? What kind of Real Housewives is THIS shit? If I wanted to watch Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants I would have.
Please. Get real. That shit is corny as fuck. Let's all hold hands and talk about our periods...not. Anyways, if you watched it you probably experienced the same feelings as I did. The episode consisted of the ladies talking about their "hardships" and throwing flowers in the waters of Bimini. Mostly the women were crying about the men in their lives. Getting divorces, getting married... tomato, tomawto. Ana got her divorce, Marysol decided to get a divorce, Joanna got engaged (again), Lisa still did not get pregnant, Karent wants to marry Rudolfo even though he has boned everyone but her within the last year, Adriana is engaged (again) and Lea is...well, being Lea and not giving a fuck. Overall, I was terribly upset by the fact that one of my favorite housewives seasons ended on such a boring note. The ending scene where Elaine performs at Marysol's party was just the icing on the cake if you ask me. It was the ultimate peace offering...and that just made me so damn nauseated. The fighting must continue, they must commit themselves to disagreement and discontent. It's like they don't know how to not get along anymore.

 It actually took work to finish the episode. I even stopped halfway to watch the series finale of the Jersey Shore which was equally snooze-worthy.
BORINGGGGGGGGG. I think this might qualify as the worst christmas gift a biddy could ask for. We ask for very little besides stupid television, Ugg boots and dumb bros to wine and dine us.
Thank GOD I still have my Ugg boots.

Anyways, I write to you not only to share my grievances of Real Housewives but to wish you all a happy holiday! If you do not celebrate Christmas, I hope you all enjoyed a day of Chinese food and hanging out at home! I suggest Jingle All The Way or Home Alone 1 or 2 for your entertainment. I also salute you for not beating a bitch up during this annoying, annoying season of over-consumption and ignorant music.
You, my friends, are the true heroes. I must bid you all a farewell. This bitch gotta catch some z's. I will talk to you all soon!

...and a Happy New Year.


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