Thursday, July 25, 2013

Beat the Heat, Not Your Meat

It is no mistake that last week was a fucking scorcher. God seems to be punishing all of us for our indecency. Speaking as a person with no air conditioning, I have really been taking God's wrath quite personally. What have I been doing aside from my normal, routine cunt-tery that deserves such malevolence? My nights are spent lying in bed with my handheld spray fan, screaming, crying, shitting myself to sleep in pain. It just isn't a good look. I'm vetoing this heat wave. I say no and after all, the world DOES revolve around me.
Other people? Don't be ignorant.

One can also attribute the hellish weather to other haps. Following the death of the Cory Monteith I am pretty sure the Westboro-Baptist church had a little pow-wow with the big guy and they made some kind of douche bag agreement. The Westboro Baptist church has been INSISTING for years that "God hates fags." Rude.
But the list does not end there... God supposedly hates pretty much everyone besides, well, them. Strange coincidence? I guess so. However, the W-B church has an extra LARGE bone to pick with the gay community. After all, homosexuality is THE DEVIL!
With the death of Cory Monteith there is no time like the present to protest a seriously evil man. Glee needs to be stopped. WE MUST TO STOP THE GLEESTERS!!! It is just too gay, far too gay for the Westboros.
So the W-B Church has been setting up their picket signs, camping out, getting ready to protest the funeral of the year. It is their big moment to shine. The weather could not have been more perfect for such a (pointless/ ignorant) cause.

However, as the weather seems to be mellowing out and the Westboro Baptist church continues to preach the word of heterosexuality... Anthony Weiner seems to just be getting started heating things up! (Perhaps he is continuing to spread the word of heterosexuality? This is a serious question I pose).

Do you hear something? A faint, distant sound that seems to be increasing in velocity with every second as we speak? Yup. That is the sound of Anthony spanking the monkey, choking the chicken, painting the pickle or beating the meat if you so please.

In the words of Ms. Cyrus, he can't stop and he won't stop. Anthony Weiner is his name and sexting is his game... and holy shit is he good at it. The only thing he needs work on is the whole getting caught aspect...

...not that it even matters. His wife seems to be going with the flow of things. Holding on to true love...standing by her Weiner. Now that's a ride or die bitch. That's my kinda biddy.

These two are truly in love and no amount of cheating, lying and dick pictures are going to change this.   Forget Noah and Allie, forget Romeo and Juliet. I dream of a romance this passionate and this intense.

So many people are hating on Weiner for being a perverted sex freak but I say get the fuck over it. Who in the fuck cares? They are all haters anyways. They are jealous that they can not get away with the same sexcapades. I mean, boning and cybering tons of other biddies AND still being able to keep your bottom bitch? Dude's a fuckin G.

Stay cool biddies. Shit is wild out there.


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