Friday, February 8, 2013

I'm in Love, I'm in Love and I Don't Care Who Knows It!

As promised, I am bringing to YOU my list of the five people I love most in this world (at the moment).   With Valentine's day fast approaching I thought to myself, "Self, what better way to celebrate?" I have literally been racking my brain, thinking of who these people are. Who do I love?? I will tell you now, the people that I find tolerable are few and far between. But with a little hard work and a little bit (maybe a lot bit) of alcohol, I put together a cute little list. Here it goes... the five people I love most.

1) Ryan Fucking Gosling
Excuse me while Drake and I serenade Prince Ryan just a little bit...

Okay, Ryan Gosling is one of the most beautiful creatures in the whole entire world. Color me shallow, but that is all you really need in a guy. He is what I would like to call "the whole package"... meaning he's got hot abs & a hot face. I have seen every single one of his movies (I can not tell you what any of them are about but I enjoyed the hell out of them). I was thinking we could have a coffee or drink sometime Ryan...
...that works fine too.

                                                                  2) Kristen Wiig
Not going to lie, I felt a little sexist when I made this list because I only came up with one woman who I could say with full confidence that I love. I mean there are many women who I like and all that but there are so few women that I love nowadays (hey, I'm not a women's study major, hop off my dick!) However, I have got mad love for Kristen Wiig.
Bridesmaids is and will forever continue to be one of my favorite movies of all time. I do not watch Saturday Night Live but this movie completely won over my affections. Kristen, I am currently accepting applications for a best friend position. Perhaps you should have your people talk to my people?
                                                                3) Sheldon Cooper
I freakin' love Sheldon Cooper. I know he is fictional and all that but if there was a way I could make any fictional person real, you better believe I would choose Sheldon Cooper.
My love for Dr. Cooper is a little bit narcissistic, I'll admit. I think he just might be my spirit animal. I mean, minus the whole physicist aspect and I suppose for argument's sake I will not go ahead and call myself a "genius" (well, I would call myself that but that is an entirely different argument altogether), we seem to be cut from the same cloth. I am incredibly socially awkward (HELLO, that is why I blog) and people tend to find me quite annoying. And here's the part that makes us INCREDIBLY similar...

                                                                             4) T.I.
Did you think I was going to forget about you T.I.? Many have, I am sure, but trust me when I say I can never forget. I feel like I have taken a few too many lady Viagras because even though it has been years since we have heard from this stud, I still have a raging female boner for him. His name is actually Clifford Joseph Harris, Jr. for long, but his friends, fans and future wifey (me) call him T.I.
I remember they locked you up for owning a machine gun or ten but I do not see the problem. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a man who has a hobby. I miss you, T.I. Come back to Jules... unless you are still in jail. In that case, stay put. I can wait.

                                                                  5) Benjamin Franklin
GIFS are just too main stream for B Franks. This man holds a special place in my heart at the moment. As us Northeastern folk brace ourselves for this Nemo business (No, I will not make a Finding Nemo joke like the rest of you plebeians on facebook insist on doing. Yeah, that's dumb. Stop), I find that it is important that we honor him for his accomplishments. Along with other discoveries and inventions, Benjamin Frankling made discoveries involving electricity. HELLO, the lightning rod... that is some cool ass shit. As a huge fan of electricity, I want just say thank you and I love your work. And... I am going to miss it very much when we will YET AGAIN be experiencing what will most likely be a week long power outage (as we did during Hurricane Sandy Vag).

I must go now. Too much love, it is making me sick.
But I have to, Ryan. I must now fill every container I own with water and sharpen my bow-and-arrow so I can kill myself dinner for the week.

Stay safe... but more importantly, stay sexy.


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