Thursday, December 31, 2015


Another year is wrapping up and we all edge closer and closer to our dying day. Each day we get a little bit closer to the end, closer to breathing our last breaths. With every day we realize more and more how meaningless life is and how meaningless our lives are. But before we succumb to the hopelessness that is life (and inevitably knife ourselves), let's reflect on ridiculousness that was 2015.

Shall we review the most paramount moments of 2015?

1) That time my dog was constipated for a week

My poor booboo couldn't poop, like, at all. She ate too much of the cardboard from those pasta boxes. It was heartbreaking, earth-shattering and how could anyone ever really forget that week of true bowel dysfunction?!

2) When I tried McDonald's vanilla ice cream for the first time
Absolutely divine.

3) When I didn't write a blog post about how I hated Taylor Swift
I'm trying to take the high road here. Really, really trying.

4) When I finally made that inevitable switch to Colgate

After years of vacillation, I finally had to make the big decision. I had to make a choice and stick to it for good. I finally chose the Colgate. Spongebob sparkly bubblegum: I shall miss you.

5) When the U.S. continuously supported a modern day Hitler

There are no words.

6) When Jennifer Lawrence didn't get paid 'nuff.

10 million a movie just ain't cutting it for J-Law. And why should it? Why should she have to work her cute little butt off for 3 months out of the 12 for only millions of dollars?! Not fair, not cool, no way.

Help me, I'm white, rich and poor!

7) When I didn't get the flu shot... again.

Gosh dung it.

8) When my neighbor's fish died.

It really was a very nice fish.
9. When I beat level 300 of Candy Crush... FINALLY

10. I finished a whole watermelon.
This was no easy feat. There I sat at my kitchen table, for nearly 30 minutes, pushing watermelon into my face until I completely hated myself and everything around me. It was magical.

Overall, 2015 was a year of triumph, tragedy and Trump. Happy New Year to you all!



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