The Four Prettiest Bitches I Know

I didn't stutta.

I'm talking about four girls that go by the names Aria, Emily, Hannah and... Spencer. If you have to ask  who these fine ladies are then you are too ignorant to be in my presence. Go on, close this window, nothing for you to see here.

It's a little show called Pretty Little Liars, or what I affectionally call P-L-Squared. PLL is a show that will make you laugh, make you cry, make you question your intelligence level a little bit...and make you wish you were hell of a lot prettier. The show constantly keeps me on the edge of my seat--err couch, to be exact. PLL is a show full of twists, turns, and life lessons you will never forget! For instance, don't lose your virginity too soon because your boyfriend could actually wind up being the psycho that possibly killed your best friend and just might be the cat who has been harassing you and your friends for months. SO DON'T HAVE SEX WITH HIM DAMMIT!

Another lesson that we have learned is that it is totally normal and not creepy for you to be dating your twenty-five year old teacher when you are sixteen. Ezra and Aria are like any traditional love story... plus like maybe a little statutory rape and general creepiness. But who cares? He's hot! So what if he's totally rapey?

It's just...so touching. Their parents are just so fucking awful for trying to keep these two apart. Come on, let me bone your underaged daughter who happens to be my student. Quit being so selfish! Parents these days. Shaking my fucking head.

Next we have Emily!

Emily is, in my opinion, the hottest of the little liars but also the most annoying. She constantly has this puss on her face like the world is just *so horrible* and life is just *so rough* and *poor little pretty Emily.* I have one hyphenated word for you darling: BOO-freakin-HOO. Get over it. You're being stalked by someone who knows all your secrets and likes to torture you. No big. Oh and one more thing, stop being a bitch to all of your girlfriends, they just wanna get a piece of dat hot ass.

My favorite liar is Hannah. Usually I don't go with the blonde but Hannah is the exception. The show desperately tries to play up the whole stereotypical blonde thing by making those "dumb blonde" jokes whenever they have a chance. Really funny, ABC Family.

Hannah is NOT a dumb blonde. I refuse to accept this. (And just because Spencer is supposed to be the ugliest of the pretty liars doesn't AUTOMATICALLY make her the smartest...get real). The thoughts I have about Emily's plot line this coming season mainly have to do with her boyfriend Caleb. What is this creepist up to? The boy is clearly up to no good that's for DAMN sure.

The last time we saw the Pretty Little Liars was the Halloween Special. That shit was intense. Let's review a few things that occurred at their Halloween dance (that so happened to be taking place on a train??????): Aria was drugged, Garrett was killed, Caleb randomly appears, Mona is out of the funny house... oh and Ally's dead body is discovered in the middle of the room. WTF???

I did not see THAT one coming. That's for DAMN sure. The Halloween special was filled with so many surprises but...leaves us with so many unanswered questions.

As much as I love the show, Pretty Little Liars needs some serious help. I have a problem with writers who completely drop story lines and completely forget about major action that occurred the previous episode. For instance: Lucas. Ummm, does anyone recall how Aria discovered that it was Lucas who drugged the flask that fucked Paige up? Apparently we all are just supposed to completely forget about this atrocity??? Come to think of it, where is Lucas these days? First he tries to kill Hannah, next he's out of sight and out of mind. Da fuh, Lucas? Where the hell did your bitch ass go?

REGARDLESS, I am absolutely PEEING my pants with excitement... I've had to invest in a diaper or two because of my eager anticipation of the season premiere Tuesday January 8! I can not think of a better way to ring in the new year than to hang with my four favorite bitches.

Side note people: it's 2013, so be excited about it. It is going to be a year full of CERAZYNESSSSS!!

I hope you all have an excellent new year! Much love to my homies.

XOXO,
Jules